A Healthy Marriage Series: Love is the Fuel

What kind of marriage do you desire? Have you ever really thought about it?

Do you wish you were more strongly connected, closer, and happier in your marriage? Don’t settle for a ho-hum, distant, tolerable relationship. It doesn’t have to be that way.

If you give your relationship the proper fuel, you can have exactly what you desire.

Fuel powers your marriage and takes it to a deeper level.

So, what is the proper fuel? It all comes down to the language of love.

Are You Aware of Your Spouse’s Love Language?

Gary Chapman has an excellent book called the Five Love Languages. In it, the five different ways an individual likes to be loved are revealed. Everyone is not the same and every person does not receive or recognize love in the same way. We each have at least one distinctive way to feel truly fulfilled in our relationships.

Have you ever thought about how you prefer to be loved? What about your spouse? This is a wonderful discussion to have during your next date night. (If you don’t have a scheduled date night…quality time set aside just for your spouse…you are already behind the game.)

What are the Five Love Languages?

• The first love language is verbal affirmation. Loving, positive, affirming words can drastically affect our relationship with our spouse. Some individuals can go for a couple of days just reminding themselves of a kind word or a compliment. If this is your spouse’s primary love language, your words will be just like fuel. Looking into your spouse’s eyes and telling them how much you appreciate them, how blessed you are to be married to them, how beautiful or handsome they are will work wonders.

• The second love language is gift giving. A gift is a tangible object that tells your partner that you were thinking about them. You were somewhere without them, but you thought of them. A gift is a powerful thing to those who receive or recognize love this way.

• The third love language is an act of service. For instance, do you feel loved if your spouse takes your car to the car wash, checks the oil, the fluids, etc? Acts of service can involve cooking or picking up their favorite meal or even running an errand.

• The fourth love language is spending quality time together. Sharing experiences together is an important part of fueling a relationship. How do you spend quality time together? It doesn’t have to ‘cost’ anything, but it does involve a time of genuine connection. Taking a walk after dinner, stopping for an ice cream together on the way home, a gardening project, or even a late night drive along a favorite path. Anything that will help the two of you unwind together and enjoy one another’s presence.

• The final love language is touch. Physical affection is a powerful way to communicate your feelings for your spouse. There have been numerous studies conducted over the years, all with the same conclusion: Those who openly express and receive physical affection are healthier and more emotionally stable individuals.

What do you think your spouse’s primary love language is? Take the time to ask them, and then really listen. Once you discover ‘how’ your partner likes to receive love, make the commitment to showing them love in that way. Fuel your marriage with the language of love.