A Healthy Marriage Series: Whose Behind the Wheel?

A couple of my friends are coming up on some serious anniversaries. One of them is 24 years. As I consider what this entails; the good times, the arguments, and the hurdles, it inspires me. Marriage is a wonderful union between two people that takes a lot of time, effort, love, forgiveness, and grace.

Unfortunately, a 24 year anniversary is not the norm today. Why do you think some marriages stand the test of time while others end in divorce? I’m sure if we took a poll, we could pool all of our knowledge (or collective ignorance) and come up with hundreds of reasons. Once the reasons were in place, there would be groups of us who would disagree on what ‘exactly’ constitutes grounds for divorce.

All that sounds pretty messy, so instead, we are going to go with a series of informative and fun posts that will help keep the health of your marriage at optimum levels. Just like checking the oil in your vehicle, you need to keep tabs on the health of your marriage. Our first post, Where Exactly Are We Going will help you to figure out if you both are moving in the same direction with the same goals in mind. That’s step one:

Where Exactly Are We Going?

Do you want to have a marriage that will stand the test of time? Your first step is to have well defined goals. Both partners need to agree on the vision for the relationship to survive and thrive.

Sounds elementary, doesn’t it? But many relationships are eventually destroyed over this very thing. How many times have you heard, “We just drifted apart,” or “We have nothing in common.” That doesn’t happen overnight.

A ship only one half of a degree off course will end up hundreds of miles from its destination over time. Marriage is no different. If we use instruments to gauge the course of an airplane or a ship, why do we allow our marriages to drift along unattended?

Stop Drifting!

Instead of drifting along in a ‘Que Sera Sera’ sort of fashion, make the effort to define a clear direction for your relationship. Marriages that last enjoy a common goal that both partners agree to work toward.

A goal should never be assumed. Take the time to have regular talks with your partner about where your relationship is going, and where you want it to go. Knowing where you are headed reduces the risk of getting lost. What are you working toward? Do you want to be debt free? Do you want your children to go to college? Do you want to serve in your church? Whatever it is…be there together.

Side note: Just because your relationship takes a sudden turn (due to the economy or other unpredictable issues) does NOT mean that you are no longer on the right path. The storms of life WILL come. That’s the time to hold on.

Find a Higher Purpose

Look for a purpose for your relationship that is bigger than the both of you; bigger than your individual desires. Faith in God can set you both on the right path so that selfish wants and perceived needs can fade away.

Remember, marriage is the blending of two people. It is a give and take situation. Don’t look at that as a bad thing. You may have to give up some things that didn’t really matter (in the long run) but you have gained a partner, a best friend, a counselor, a confidant, a lover…what could be better? Yes, there is a small trade off, but the benefits are innumerable.

Do you have any questions or comments about marriage? Post them here. We will be sure to answer them.